Yesterday afternoon I spent time with Richard & Noah, just enjoying their company. Honestly I would have loved nothing more than to be cooped up inside with a baby - a girl - a boy - whatever, but sadly that is not my reality. Dealing with second round infertility is shit.
I have been talking with other IVFers of late and they have all shared some really heart wrenching stories. One such story has resinated with me - the story of a friend who spent all of her 20's trying to fall pregnant. She will forever remember her 20's as the years of "trying". I really do not want to look back on my life, especially these beautiful years of Noah's childhood, as the years where I was so wrapped up in what "could be" that I failed to enjoy what I all ready have. I really do have too much of a good thing going on to be devastated by what "might be".
So even if that means catching fly blown sheep with the boys, playing with skeletons in the ram graveyard, guns, shooting and pigeon killing - I am going to enjoy it. These are the things that make up Noah's childhood and I want these memories to remain forefront.
This brakes my heart!!! But so glad you realise the importance of now. Just remember (even though it doesnt feel like it) everything happens for a reason. I pray all of your dreams become a reality in time xx
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