Disappointment

Today, for the first time, I felt disappointed in Noah. I have been angry at him before but have never felt disappointed in him. I guess all parents at some stage feel disappointed in their children whether it be due to bad behaviour or a one off bad event; I was thinking that this wouldn't happen for me until Noah was a teenager. 

Today Noah killed a bobtail lizard.....................

He came and told me he did it, not quite sure whether to believe him or not, I asked him to show me and sure enough, there was the dead bobtail with some of its insides now on its outsides. There was a very big suspicious looking rock near by. For a split second Noah was proud.........

I nearly cried because I was so sad that he could do this to an animal. Shocked would be an understatement, not my Noah! We have spent the last 3 summers feeding the bobtails fruit and being nice to them, some bobtails were even named. It is a pretty awful thinking about how a 3.5 year old could or would even want to do this. Maybe it was curiosity? His first glimpse at death perhaps. Who knows? I don't think he gets the whole death thing. He wasn't remorseful for taking the bobtails life - death is an obscure concept for small children - he was however sad that he got in trouble. 

B I G   B I G   T R O U B L E. 

Confused and upset I rang my Mum. We had a little laugh while discussing how Noah tried to justify the killing. He just didn't like that one and Bonnie did it too apparently. Mum said we needed to burry the lizard and say sorry. I told Noah that God was watching him and he was sad at what he did to the lizard "But will God come get me" Noah asked?

I have been promised that it will never, ever happen again. Not too sure what to do.

Signing off for now

Disappointed Mum